Mortal Kombat Movie Mania!
by ElfDavis
Summary: This is the promised "crackfic" for my dearest readers of 'The Daughter of a Monster'. This awesome crackfic is like nothing you've ever seen before, because it is also a GAME. Please read for great laughs! Rated T for a little bit of language! CHAPTER 2 UP!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey! ElfDavis here! Also known as: The Elfster, Elfie, Elfaroonie, and The Elfanator! If you don't already know, this is not an official story! I promised my readers a "crackfic", in my other story, The Daughter of a Monster. If you have not read that Fanfic, then I would highly advise that you read it before this. Why, you ask? Because my awesome OC's, Rowan and Bifrost are here! Wuzzup ladies?**

**Bifrost: What's crackin' bitches?!**

**Rowan: Oh shut-up Bifrost, you whorebag. ElfDavis doesn't want you calling the readers names. It could hurt their feelings. **

**Bifrost: You just hurt my feelings…**

**Rowan: I did not! Look at that phony smile on your face. You ****_like_**** being called a skanky whorebag, and you know it! **

**Bifrost: Whatever. ****_Kitty Cat._**

**Rowan: Shut the hell up. **

**Bifrost: Make me. **

**ElfDavis: Alright guys, chill out. You have to be friends in here. Okay dearest readers, this is not just a crackfic, but also a game! I've picked out random movie titles that you may or may not know, and chosen my favorite scene from said movies. My friends here from MK are going to act out these scenes, and you are going to have to guess them! Post what you think they are in the reviews! In one week, I will post the chapter that has the answers in it. Good Luck! ****_May the odds be ever in your favor._**

**Movie title #1-**

**Cast: Rowan and Sub Zero. **

"Has anybody seen a portal? A blue portal?! They took my brother! Help me! PLEASE!" Sub Zero shouted into the throng of warriors. He ran around, asking everyone if they may have seen a blue portal anywhere. He ran so fast, that he ran into a young woman at full speed.

"Look out!" the woman yelled just before they crashed into each other. Sub Zero was thrown backwards into a rock.

"Uhhh." Sub Zero moaned. The woman looked at him in shock.

"Omigods! I'm so sorry sir! I didn't see you there! Are you alright?" The woman crouched and looked him in the eye.

"No, No, NO! I have to find him! I have to find a blue portal!" Sub Zero shouted in anguish. He jumped to his feet, and he started running away.

"Hey! I've seen a portal!" the woman shouted after him. Sub Zero stopped abruptly and turned around.

"You have?"

"Yeah! I saw it not too long ago!" she shouted happily.

"A blue one?" Sub Zero asked, joy filled tears welling in his eyes.

"Hi, I'm Rowan." the woman suddenly said. Sub Zero narrowed his eyes at her.

"Where did you see the portal?!" he shouted. He felt bad for being so rude to this nice woman, but he needed to save his brother. The woman-Rowan-brightened.

"It was over here! It was over here! Follow me!" she yelled, pointing forward. She ran in that direction, and Sub Zero followed, happy as could be.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!"

"No problem." Rowan answered simply, looking over her shoulder at Sub Zero. She ran away from the huge group of warriors, and into the forest. She glanced back at Sub Zero every so often, gaining speed every time. She glanced back once again, and turned an abrupt corner. She kept doing this over and over, and Sub Zero had to wonder where in the Netherealm she was leading him. She abruptly turned around and yelled,

"Will you quit it?!" Sub Zero arched an eyebrow at her question. _What in the Netherealm?_ "I'm trying to run here! What? The forest ain't big enough for ya? You got a problem buddy? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? Ooh, you're looking at me, oh I'm scared now! Whaaaat?"

"Uh-"

"Stop following me, okay?" she finally finished. Sub Zero looked at her in confusion.

"What are you talking about? You're supposed to be showing me where the portal is!" Apprehension dawned on Rowan's face.

"Heeeey! I've seen a blue portal! I saw it not too long ago! Follow me!" Sub Zero crinkled his brow in worry. Rowan started running, but he stepped in front of her.

"Wait a minute! What's going on? You already told me where the portal is!" he shouted.

"I did? Ohhhh no."

"If you think this is some kind of practical joke, it's NOT funny, and I know funny, I'm a cryomancer!" Sub Zero interrupted in rage.

"N-no. No it's not. I'm so sorry. You see, I suffer from short term memory loss…"

**A/N: There ya go! That was an easy one, I'm sure everyone will get that one! Lol. Next one! **

**Movie title #2- (this one is really short)**

**Cast: Quan Chi, Noob Saibot, Rowan(she doesn't say anything though) **

Rowan had been captured. He didn't know who did it, or why, but Quan Chi would soon figure it out. He picked up his phone and says,

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you, I don't have any money. But what I do have, are a particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.

"But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you." Quan Chi waits, for what seems like hours, but is probably only a few seconds, before a voice finally speaks up.

"Good Luck."

**A/N: I told you it was short! I hope you all get this, because that is probably one of my most favoritest movies of all time! I'm gonna post the next one in another chapter, because I must go away from the computer at this moment in time. At least another 6 more movies are coming up. Ya know what? I'm gonna post two per chapter, with an awkward authors note at the beginning. Yeah! That sounds like a great idea! I also just had another great idea! If you have a movie idea that would work for Mortal Kombat, write it all out, and email me at elfdavisfanficitonideas ! I will give you credit for that chapter, I figured that it would be a good idea to keep ideas rolling! Alrighty, my dearest readers! Enjoy, and leave your answers in the reviews!**

**-The Elfanator ;3**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well guys, I have found my way to the computer once again! I am actually staying home sick because I have an awful stomach ache. But, I can take a little bit of time out of my napping regime to write you a couple more movies! Super excited! The characters that will be used today will be: Ermac, Rowan, Shao Kahn, Jade, Smoke, Kano, and Bifrost! Okay, if you don't already know this from my semi-awesome fanfic, The Daughter of a Monster: Rowan and Sub Zero are a *couple*, and Smoke and Bifrost are a *couple*. It just so happens that Rowan and Bifrost are "BFFs", as are Sub Zero and Smoke. The irony there is just great. I never meant for that to happen, actually! So I find it kinda amazing that it happened that way. lol. Okay, my characters will not be insulting each other today, because...well...I just don't want them to! So there! **

**Movie Title #3-**

**Cast: Ermac, Rowan, Jade, Shao Kahn, Random People off the street. This story will be told in segments, for this is many different scenes from the movie. That, and Ermac isn't going to be using plurals. I just couldn't find anyone else to fill this role. You'll probably know what I mean later…**

1) So, Ermac was walking along one day, trying to find his way out of the North Pole, when he comes across a raccoon.

"Awww!" he shouts. The raccoon rears up on his hind legs and hisses at Ermac. Ermac backs away, and the raccoon stops. He puts his hands on his knees and whispered to the raccoon,

"Does someone need a hug?" He moves forward towards the raccoon, arms outstretched. The raccoon hisses again, but Ermac doesn't back away. "Aww, come here." The raccoon hisses in warning again, and leaps into Ermac's face, clawing it.

"OW! I just wanted a hug!" Ermac shouts as the raccoon scratches his face…

2) Ermac is walking through New York, happy as could be. Why? Not even he knew why. Everyone always stares at his uniform, and say mean things to him. He shouldn't be happy, but he is! He comes across a building with odd doors. _Woah._ He looks at them in awe. He walks into it, and he feels it start turning. _What weird doors! _They keep turning and he steps out. He was still inside. He looked at the doors in shock. He would get past these doors! No matter the cost! He ran at the doors full speed, and pushed them so they would turn faster. He spun around and around and around, screaming, until he saw an opening and leaped through it. He looked at his surroundings. He was still outside. He staggered around, feeling extremely dizzy. He saw a nearby trashcan, and he ran for it, clutching his stomach. He vomited directly into the trashcan. _That was fun! _He thought to himself…

3) Ermac found himself wandering around a mall. _There are so many pretty Christmas lights!_ He thought excitedly. All of a sudden, he was stopped by a pretty young woman whose nametag read, 'Jade'.

"Passion-fruit spray?" she asked politely, holding up the bottle of said spray.

"Fruit spray?!" Ermac shouted excitedly. "Sure!" He took the bottle from the woman's hands and sprayed copius amounts of the fruit spray into his mouth. When the so-called fruit spray reached his mouth, he shuddered in horror. _What is this monsterocity? _He screamed in his head. He waved his hands around his mouth, and gave back the "fruit spray" to Jade…

4) "Why are you smiling?" Shao Kahn asked, a sneer forming his features.

"I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite!" Ermac told his former leader excitedly.

"Oh yeah? Well, make work your favorite." Shao Kahn ordered.

"Okay!" Shao Kahn rolled his eyes.

"Okay people, tomorrow morning! 10am! Raiden's coming to town!" Shao Kahn shouted to all his minions.

"RAIDEN! OH MY GOD! Raiden here? I know him! I know him!" Ermac screamed in excitement. He grabbed onto Shao Kahn's meaty arm and did a fan-girl squeal. "I know him!"

5) "The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear!" Ermac told the store employee, who's name was Rowan. Rowan rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well I don't 'sing'."

"It's not that hard! Here, watch!" He stepped onto a podium and started singing, very loud and very off-key.

"I'm in a store, and I'm singing! I'M IN A STORE, AND I'M SINGIIIIINNNG!"

"Hey!" Shao Kahn yelled. "There's no singing in the North pole!"

"Yes there is!" Ermac argued.

"No, there's not!" Shao Kahn argued back.

"Yes there is! We sing all the time!" Ermac shouted. He heard a faint 'No there's not!' from Shao Kahn, who had already begun to walk away. "Especially when we make toys!" he shouted again, just for good measure. Rowan did a facepalm, hoping no one at the store recognized her face.

"See?" Ermac turned toward her excitedly. She nodded into her palm…

6) Ermac got to the store early that morning, hoping to get a great start, when he all of a sudden heard a voice. He followed the sound into the woman's locker room, and recognized the voice was Rowan's.

"…So really, I'd better , really just a half-a-drink more. The neighbors might complain…" she sang. Ermac was mesmorized. He sat on the counter of the locker room, listening to her beautiful voice. He softly began to sing along.

"I wish I knew how, to break the spell!" she sang loudly, and beautifully.

"I'll take your hand…" Ermac murmured under his breath.

"I ought to say no, no, no."

"Mind if I move in?" Ermac sang along, just quietly enough for her to not notice him.

"At least that I can say that I tried!" Rowan continued.

"What's the sense in hurting my heart?" Ermac sang deeply, a little lounder.

"I really can't stay!" Rowan sing-shouted. Ermac decided to join her, singing just as loud as she was.

"'Cause baby, it's cold out-side!" they finished together. Rowan narrowed her eyes. Did she just hear a male voice in the woman's locker room? No, it couldn't be. She turned off the shower and wrapped herself in the curtain and peeked out of the shower area. She saw Ermac sitting cross-legged on the marble counter. Her eyes widened.

"Get out! GET OUT! Don't look at me!" she screamed. Ermac gasped and covered his eyes, he jumped off the counter and ran in the direction of the door. Unluckily, he ran in the direction of some lockers instead and rammed right into them full speed, falling unconscious…

7) Ermac was working like a busy little enforcer should, and he saw Raiden sneaking past him. He gasped.

"Raiden!" he murmured to himself. He followed him and saw a bunch of small ninja-children cheering for Raiden as he made his grand opening. Raiden bowed, and Ermac joined the kids, screaming and cheering.

"YAAAY! YAAAY! Hey Raiden! It's me! Ermac!"

"Oh, hey Ermac, how you doing?" Raiden waved. Raiden sat down on a throne, and the first kid came foreward to receive the thunder god's blessing. Ermac narrowed his eyes. The thunder god looked different. He almost gasped when he realized that this was _not_ Raiden, the almighty thunder god.

"You're not Raiden." He whispered into the fake-Raiden's ear. The fake-Raiden glared at him in return…

**A/N: Alrighty guys, that one, is probably too easy, but I'll give you a hint. ****_It isn't actually Raiden in the movie(no duh), but Santa Claus!_**** So yeas! I'll write the next one now…**

**Movie Title #4 **

**Cast- Smoke, Bifrost, Kano, Kobra, Kabal(when he was evil) *Note: Kano has a broken arm***

"Then we are at an impass." Smoke said calmly. But, we was anything but calm. His beloved Bifrost was being held captive by none other than Kano, the ruthless killer that he is. Bifrost is sitting on a tree trunk, tied up, with one of Kano's butterfly knives at her throat.

"I'm afraid so." Kano stated plainly. "I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains."

"Oh? You're that smart?" Smoke asked sarcastically.

"Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato? Aristotle?" Kano asked.

"Yes…"

"Morons." Kano replied simply.

"Huh, in that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits." Smoke stated proudly.

"For the Princess?" Smoke nodded. "To the death?" Smoke nodded again. Kano smiled broadly. "I accept." He put away his butterfly knife.

"Good, then pour the wine." Smoke gestured to the small table that had been set up, with two wine glasses sitting atop it. Smoke sat on a tree trunk as Kano poured the wine. He grinned to himself. _This will be easy. _Kano smirked at Smoke, to which Smoke gladly returned. When Kano had finished pouring the fermented grape juice, Smoke pulled a small vile out of his black uniform.

"Smell this, but do not touch." He instructed Kano, handing him the vile. Kano took a quick whiff.

"I smell nothing." He stated.

"What you do not smell is iocane powder, it is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves quickly in liquid. It is among one of the most deadly poisons known to man." He stated. Kano nodded. Smoke took the wine glasses and explained that he would put the powder in one of the glasses, and whoever drank it would instantly perish. He set the wine glasses back on the table.

"Alright, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide, and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead." Smoke told Kano, a small chuckle escaping is lips. Kano grinned widely.

"But it's so simple! All I have to do, is divide what I know of you. Are you the kind of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or the man that would put it in his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I, am not a fool. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you! But, you must've known I was not a great fool, you would've counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!" Kano explained quickly. Smoke raised an eyebrow.

"So you have chosen then?"

"No! Not remotely! Because iocane comes from Australia! And everyone knows that Australia is full of criminals! They are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

"Truly, you have quite an intellect." Smoke commented, rubbing his chin.

"Wait till I get going!" Kano shouted. "Where was I?"

"Australia."

"Oh yes! Australia! And you must've suspected that I knew the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me." Kano shouted.

"You're just stalling now." Smoke concluded.

"You'd like to think that wouldn't you?!" Kano screamed. "You've beaten Kobra, which means you must be very strong! So you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting that your strength would save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you! But, you've also bested Kabal, which means you must've studied. And while you studied, you must've learned that man is mortal, so you would've put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!" Kano shouted, his hands flailing.

"You're trying to trick me into revealing something. It won't work." Smoke assured.

"It has worked! You've given EVERYTHING away! I know where the poison is!" Kano screeched.

"Then make your choice." Smoke replied calmly.

"I will! And I choose, what in the Netherealm can that be?!" Kano shouted, pointing behind Smoke. Smoke turned, knowing full well that that was what Kano wanted him to do. Kano quickly switches the goblets while Smoke isn't looking.

"Where? I don't see it!" Smoke shouts, almost laughing at Kano's stupidity.

"Well, I could've sworn I saw something! No matter." Kano chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Smoke asked.

"I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink!" Kano covered up quickly. Smoke narrowed his eyes at the man. "I'll drink from my glass, while you drink from yours!" Smoke nodded and took his goblet, and swigged down the wine. Kano chuckles.

"You guessed wrong." Smoke tells him.

"You only think I guessed wrong! That's what is so funny! I switched the glasses while your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! Never go in with Kano, when death is on the line!" Kano laughed hysterically, and Smoke watched him calmly. Kano all of a sudden stopped laughing and fell over dead on the ground. Smoke smirked. _What an idiot._ Bifrost took off her blind fold, and saw Smoke, but did not recognize him, for his hair and face was covered by his black uniform.

"How did you know that he was going to die?" she asked.

"I poisoned both cups, you see, I have trained my body to be immune to iocane powder." He explained, his eyes sparkling…

**A/N: Yupperooters! That one is a little harder than my other ones. This is actually my mom's favorite movie, which is why I did it. I think It's kinda hilarious, that in the movie, the guy trash talks Australians, while Kano is Australian himself! LOL. I noticed that when I posted my email address for you guys, it didn't really show where it is for… so here ya go… **

**elfdavisfanfictionideas...at...g-mail(Fanficiton doesn't let you post the at sign, so yeah… email me your ideas, or PM me, if you want! Tootles! **

**-The Elfster**


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